Monday, July 27, 2009

Two Years...

Dear Daniel and Hope,

Two years ago the light of promise of your lives went out. It went quickly and without warning and left me in a heap on the ground. Losing you devestated all of us and it took a lot of time to realize life does indeed go on. It was hard to let go of the dream of you. How did we plan so long for you to be in our lives only for you to disappear? I imagine it will never be easy to deal with the what-ifs. The best way for me is to make sure I'm that much better of a mommy to your brother. To make sure I put aside the chores or the tiredness and be engaging in his life. To show him everything and help him experience everything you were not given the chance to.

I take peace in the fact that while I never held you and only have pictures of your sweet faces that you never felt any pain. Sadness and heartbreak will never overwhelm you. You only know the eternal love of God. The beautiful songs of the angels. You are in heaven, watching over us in the arms of the people I love who have also passed on before me. It brings me hope to know that one day I will see you again.

Two years. I'm grateful for how far we've all come since your loss. Those first few steps away from you were wobbly and hard. Your brother's arrival has given us a light again. And I know you're with us. I can feel you in the quiet beat of my heart. I see you in the beauty of all that surrounds me.

Two years. It was too soon to let you go, and I'm not meant to understand why. But I will forever love you and hold you close to my heart.

love forever and always,

We released balloons for you after Matthew's birthday. I know you saw them.


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