Monday, September 15, 2008

Riding Dinosaurs

Every night when Matt comes home from work he takes the baby upstairs with him to change while I start dinner. I like to imagine him driving home after a long day and being excited about seeing his son. Matthew, on the other hand, is less enthusiastic. See, he's a mommy's boy already. I'm sure it's typical of children who have mom's or dad's stay home with them. But Matt keeps trying, determined to make sure he knows both of us as safety nets.

After dinner they hang out and he asks him about his day and it usually goes something like this:

"What did you do today with mommy? You were riding dinosaurs? Were you in your car seat? I have to tell that mommy it's not safe for you to be riding dinosaurs without your car seat. Silly mommy."


I think, like me, he is overwhelmed by the love this child has brought into our lives. The shear joy and excitement that comes with guiding him along this journey called life.

There's something about watching my husband be a father that takes my breath away. He is a good man, raised by a good man, raising what I pray will become a good man.

I'm honored to share this life with him and to give the world another good man.


I thank God every day for all of the blessings in my life. I'm so lucky to be married to this man and to have this little boy. Love is a strange thing. It is boundless. Just when you think you couldn't love someone more you catch a moment and you fall all over again.


Sunday, September 14, 2008

Broken Pieces Put Back Together

I miss the twins.

Everyday I think of them and actually last night I dreamed of them.

But this little boy has done something to me. He "fixed" a part of me that I didn't realize was broken because I got used to the broken me.

After losing the twins life went on and I found myself happy and looking forward to doing things but there was still a spark in the joy that wasn't as bright. And I just got used to it that way and kind of forgot how it felt the other way. And then last night driving home from an awesome day with our friends we were talking about going back down in a few weeks to go to a festival and the anticipation and excitement of going was so strong and I couldn't figure out why as it's just a silly little fall festival with overpriced food and tons of people. But then I realized it's because of him.

He's filled my life with a sweetness and joy that I thought would never return. And of course I could feel guilty still because the twins aren't here and he is but I can't because he is here and he deserves the whole world and I can't wait to show it to him.

I know it won't always feel this good. The emptiness will certainly return as I think that we should be a family of five and we are but not in a conventional way. But I sure as hell plan to enjoy the whole feeling when it comes.


Thursday, September 4, 2008

Learning Things is Tough!

So my little guy is on a quest. A quest to find his thumb.

He's pretty close and has gotten it a few times but he's still struggling with it. He can't seem to figure out how to get his thumb untucked from between his pointer and middle finger. So he ends up sticking part of his fist in his mouth and well, that's just not the same thing.

And if Matt or I try to help him God help us! You see he wants to do it on his own. But he gets frustrated and yells at himself. It's too funny.

Anyway the other night he finally had some success and I was able to get some pictures.


Monday, September 1, 2008

The Most Beautiful Sound

The most beautiful sound in the world to me is the sound of Matthew's cry.

I know most of you will think that is strange, but by the time you finish reading this blog you will understand why.

You see when you become pregnant and dream about the day you give birth you can't wait to hear your baby cry. A lot of the stories of childbirth talk about the moment. The euphoria you feel as you realize you did it, your child is here! And he/she's got strong lungs!

Sometimes it is frustrating to listen to your child cry. Especially when you've tried every trick in the book to make it all better. There are some days when the sadness takes over and crying is the only thing that helps the poor babe's soul.

Those days would frustrate some moms, but not me.

You see when Matthew cries I sometimes let him do it for a minute or two just to listen. To hear the beautiful sound of his lungs working. The urgency and sadness in his voice gives me pause and I find myself smiling.

Why you ask?

Because Daniel and Hope never cried. Never got the chance. They were never able to utter a sound.

But Matthew? He can. So I listen. And am thankful.