Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Stubborn like his momma...

Last night the little man decided he was boycotting sleep.

See the few nights before he had slept so long through the evening that I was worried he'd be up all night so I mentioned to Matt that I was going to give him a bath to wake him up. I think he heard because last night sleep was not in his plans.

He fussed and fought sleep and for three hours I stared at this tired little face:


We cycled him through every baby gadget we possess only for it to last five minutes before we heard, "eh, eh eh, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

We both held him, swaddled him, cradled him, hugged him and all for nothing as sleep was just something he could not let himself do. He must have thought he was going to miss all the excitement if he did.

Finally, at 10:45, he deemed daddy worthy enough to lay his head:


The World Becomes More Clear

This world gets more and more interesting...

One of the aspects of parenthood I was most looking forward to was to see my child learn and discover the world around him. It's starting to happen and I am thrilled to watch him explore.It's not much right now, compared to a future filled with learning to crawl, walk, ride a bike and one day *gasp* drive, but the other day he was swinging in his swing and looked up. He was amazed to find that where blurriness once filled his vision appeared stars and a little bear.

Watching him stare at the mobile swirling over his head made butterflies in my stomach as I was so excited to see him make one of his first big discoveries. Again, its not much in the grand scope of all that is to come in his life, but exciting nonetheless.


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Mama's Boy

For 38 weeks it was just me and him.

As I watch this little boy next to me I am amazed and in awe that he is here, that we are here.

The fact that the first time we tried again worked, miracle.

The fact that he survived a threatened miscarriage at 13 weeks, miracle.

The fact that I survived weeks of panic attacks that kept me up at night, miracle.

And the labor itself, not anywhere near like I imagined it would be, was scary and hard and in the end we have a miracle.

Now I have to share him, he's held and loved by everyone that walks in the door. And I stand aside because I know this above anything else. I am his mommy. And when he is upset it is me he will turn to for comfort.

Last night he had a rough time for a couple hours and Matt, in his tiredness laid him on my chest and instantly he calmed down and fell asleep. Matt was sad, that he couldn't bring that comfort to his son. I told him not to be. That in the coming days and weeks of his life he will turn to him for plenty of things. Riding a bike, building with legos, and years and years in the future advice about girls, it will fall to Matt to show him the ways of being a man. But for now, for this moment I am the one that calms his storm and makes him feel like all his right in the world. And I will cherish that all the days of my life.


True Love...

I love my husband. Have since the day we met. I didn't think I could love him more.I fell in love with him again after we lost the twins. We clung to each other in our grief as no one could know the pain as harshly as us. Again I didn't think I could love him more.Again I was wrong. I'm sitting on the couch with Matthew sleeping on the boppy and Matt sleeping on the other side of him and my heart just melted. The bones in my body turning to mush and the beat of my pulse racing as once again I am in love.


Introducing Matthew Jr.

This blog is to help keep our family up to date on all the latest developments of our son as he learns about the world around him.

First a little introduction:

The title of this blog comes from a book I read years ago. A woman in the book had struggled to get pregnant and eventually adopted and it was what she said to the little girl while having a conversation with her sister.

Our journey to bring this little boy home has been far from easy but we are so blessed by the fact that he is here.

I was diagnosed with PCOS at the age of 21 and knew it would not be easy for me to get pregnant. After two failed infertility treatment cycles we were finally blessed with a positive pregnancy test. A few weeks later we found out I was carrying twins and we were overjoyed. Those twins were too precious for earth and God called them home on July 11, 2007 at 19 weeks gestation.

Devestated we clung to each other and just kept walking in faith knowing together we could survive this. We will never forget our first and second born. Daniel Joseph and Hope Elizabeth have changed us in ways that nobody will ever understand. They brought us even closer together and intensified our love for each other as we are the only ones who know the pain we felt. The loss of them has made us better parents as we will appreciate that much more every day of the life of our little boy.

We decided quickly to try again to bring a child into this world. We got pregnant our first infertility cycle this time. It was a hard and emotional 9 months. At 13 weeks I started bleeding and we thought we lost him, but our little fighter hung on. Starting at 17 weeks I had panic attacks which kept me awake at night and lasted for weeks. At 34 weeks I lost my mom and it was hard to stay strong, but I had to for him. He needed me to keep going and keep him growing. And finally at 38 weeks my blood pressure was too high for the comfort of my dr's and they decided it was time for little man to make his entrance into the world.

He did that kicking and screaming and gave his mommy a hard labor that ended in a c-section. But he is here and we are all safe and sound. Matthew Edwin, Jr. was born at 5:58 a.m. on July 9th weighing 6lb6oz and 20 inches long.

We are amazed every day at the life we have created and so thankful to God for helping him to arrive safe and healthy. I hope this blog gives you a glimpse into our little man's life and the love we have for him.