As I watch this little boy next to me I am amazed and in awe that he is here, that we are here.
The fact that the first time we tried again worked, miracle.
The fact that he survived a threatened miscarriage at 13 weeks, miracle.
The fact that I survived weeks of panic attacks that kept me up at night, miracle.
And the labor itself, not anywhere near like I imagined it would be, was scary and hard and in the end we have a miracle.
Now I have to share him, he's held and loved by everyone that walks in the door. And I stand aside because I know this above anything else. I am his mommy. And when he is upset it is me he will turn to for comfort.
Last night he had a rough time for a couple hours and Matt, in his tiredness laid him on my chest and instantly he calmed down and fell asleep. Matt was sad, that he couldn't bring that comfort to his son. I told him not to be. That in the coming days and weeks of his life he will turn to him for plenty of things. Riding a bike, building with legos, and years and years in the future advice about girls, it will fall to Matt to show him the ways of being a man. But for now, for this moment I am the one that calms his storm and makes him feel like all his right in the world. And I will cherish that all the days of my life.
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