Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Wordless Wednesday (I Didn't Know It Would Begin This Early)

So a lot of mommy bloggers do this "wordless wednesday" thing that I'm officially kicking off today. Well actually next Wednesday since this Wednesday my blog includes an explanation of what wordless wednesday is.

Basically the title is self-explanatory. It's just going to be a picture. I do plan to caption my picture in the title. So with that, here we go!


Monday, October 26, 2009

It's Like Christmas Every Monday

I try on Monday's to switch out the toys that are in the gated area of our living room. I find he stays interested in them when there's something new. Toys that he is bored with just get tossed over the gate constantly. This morning I pulled out a circus tent toy that his Uncle Jim and Aunt Charla got him. It's a toy that's been out before but one that hasn't really sparked his interest, until today.

The toy is pretty cool. It's a circus tent and then there are animal inside and as you pull them out of the top of the tent a voice announces what kind it is or what sound it makes.

Matthew kept bringing me over the toy to take the animals out and then he would walk away from me with it. Finally all the animals were gone and he brought me his sock. He was quite confused when the circus tent wouldn't announce the sock as it entered the tent.

It entertained him all day, and he was excited to show daddy his new toy when he came from work.




Sunday, October 25, 2009

A Fall Kind of Weekend

Friday night we did some running around to get the rest of his outfit for the upcoming Wedding of the Century. I even found him a little tie. It's too cute! After doing that and getting dinner we took Matthew to the Y to their Halloween Carnival. To say Matthew had fun is an understatement. He ran around the place like he was on a race. It was so cute! He was dressed in his costume and a huge hit. Lots of people tried to talk to him but he was far too busy to stop.

Here's one of the few pictures I have that's not his back since he was running away from us the whole time.


Afterwards we took him for a little treat at Dairy Queen. He's not a big sweets eater but ice cream is his thing.


Yesterday we stayed home. In fact we barely got dressed and I only stepped outside once to get put something in the recycle bin.

Today we got up and went to breakfast and then took Matthew to a little pumpkin farm. He was a little apprehensive at first but soon got into it. They had an area set up for kids to play in with games and a small maze and then a sandbox filled with corn kernels.



When we left there we went to go pick out a few pumpkins for us to carve on Halloween.



We had a great weekend!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Well, His Modeling Career May Be Over

It happened in slow motion.

We were outside playing yesterday afternoon. I was sitting on our step and the neighborhood stray cat had come over to be pet. Matthew came over too, to pester. As he was getting down to go back to playing he decided to walk down the steps rather than sit and scoot as he normally does.

I saw it happening before it happened and time seemed to slow down and my arms and legs somehow felt as if they were chained to the ground. I just couldn't get to him in time because it happened too fast.

Down he went, confident in his abilities. Luckily his face broke his fall. Flat on the cement he went. I picked him up and blood started pooling under his nose. We came inside and I cleaned him up and he attempted to eat the paper towels I was using to clean him up with.

He was fine, and I was not. Poor little man. It'll heal quickly I'm sure. I will take a little longer. Being that he's a child of the boy variety I'm sure this won't be his last injury. But it still makes me feel bad.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Jumping the Gun

Yesterday I bought Matthew a potty chair.

Jumping the gun? Yep.

But you see for seven years I was the lead teacher of the room where potty training must be achieved before the child can move. I estimate that I've potty trained over 150 kid that were in my room.

So I feel a slight obligation to have him potty trained quickly since I should know what I'm doing. I thought it would be a good idea to get him a potty chair to let him get used to it and learn how to sit on it. I know we're at the beginning of a very long road so stay tuned for updates on this one!

In the meantime Matthew's learned the potty is super fun to carry around.


and to put your toy in.


It's also fun to end up with a picture that make it look like you're actually using the potty! (this will be a great one to show the girlfriend in years to come)


But to actually sit on it so far resulted in a slight fit on the floor.


Good thing we have time!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Very First Haircut

As most of you know my mom was a hairdresser. Well, she went to school for it and practiced it on friends and family. She couldn't handle the stress of working in a salon and being resposible for the way people feel about themselves. But she enjoyed cutting hair very much. As Matthew's hair grew longer I started to feel a heaviness at the thought that she's not here to give Matthew his very first haircut. It's something I know she would have loved to do.

Since I don't have my mom here I had to do the next best thing when it came to getting the boy's haircut. I dug her scissors out of the box of stuff I have from her that I just don't know what to do with yet. We headed off to the salon where they made a big deal over the event. We walked in and the receptionist asked very loudly "is this our first haircut boy?" Matt and I were full of smiles and very excited over the day. Matthew had no clue what was going on but was very happy to see other kids in the building.

When we went in to where Melinda would cut his hair I pulled out my mom's scissors and asked her if she would mind making the first cut with them. I felt the tears pooling behind my eyes and after I got the question out I was in full out crying mode complete with snotty nose. I don't know why it hit me so strongly, but it did. I've often described grief as a big hole in your life and you spend your time walking around the outside of it. But every once in a while you're not paying attention to how close you walked to the hole and in you go.

I gathered myself back together and Matt went to put Matthew in the chair, which as you can imagine didn't go so well. So I got in the chair first and held him in my lap. Matt had the video camera going as well as the point and shoot camera and off we went!



Matthew was a very good boy during the haircut. He sat pretty still with some help of my fingers holding his chin in place. The only part he really didn't care for was at the end when she used the clippers to even out the back.


After he was all done he even got to pick out a prize!


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Little Wonders

The day I delivered the twins I found myself alone for a minute and in that short time I rubbed my belly and thanked Daniel for letting me be his mommy. I apologized to him that my body had failed him and that he had to go. I told him I loved him and that I will always love him. And then he kicked me. With that little kick my heart officially left my body, torn to pieces at what was happening. I was giving birth to a baby not ready for this world. He would have to go to heaven. And it was all my fault. There was nothing anybody could do to stop it from happening. I just had to learn how to wake up the next day and keep moving.

It was hard at first. Grief would hit me like a truck before my eyes would even open. I moved from the bed to the couch and back to the bed and didn't move. I didn't talk, didn't move, didn't eat and had to remind myself to breathe. The only thing that got me through was the thought of being able to try again.

I recovered quickly and easily from the birth that left me with empty arms. I went back to work and went on vacation. I surrounded myself with family and my best friend. And poured over stories of women who lost babies before me. Finding strength in their words and the proof that you can move forward, you can go on. Never forgetting and always holding in your heart the love that was there. As you all know we tried again and have a 15 month old wonder child who is currently sleeping upstairs in his crib, completely unaware of the miracle that he is. Oblivious to the fact that he is my dream come true. The dream that began on July 11th when his brother and sister went home to Jesus. The dream that forced me to keep moving.

Losing them destroyed me and slowly I had to figure out who I was again. I had to find out who this new "Megan" was and what she was going to do with the heartbreaking turn her life has taken. I like to think I've come very far. And some days I know I have. But somedays I still find that grief weighing on my shoulders. I still pause when I let myself think of what I should have right now. Yet I am completely grateful for what I do have.

Today is a day when mothers and fathers around the world can celebrate the little lives that passed on too soon. It's a day to light a candle in honor of all those sweet dreams that ended before they really had a chance to begin.

I lit my candle. Did you?


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A 15 Month Update

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. For some reason blogger wouldn't let me log on. So in reward you get two posts today.

How about a 15 month update?

At the age of 15 months Matthew is a very smart little boy. He can say:

kitty (kee)
Bella (rahrah)
Leiya (yaya)
all done
Christi (teetee)

He knows where his nose, belly and mouth are.

If you hand him a napkin he'll wipe his mouth. He'll hold a shoe up to his foot and put a hat on his head. If you ask him something or try to give him something he doesn't want he'll shake his head no.

He can eat with a fork and drink out of a regular cup with a straw.

He sleeps from about 7:30 at night to 8:30 in the morning.

He has 10 teeth with 2 more on the verge of breaking through.

He's walking full time now and starting to run.

He can go up and down the stairs.

That's a lot of development for a boy of 15 months!!

Here's a comparison.

15 months

last October

Dancing Light

This morning I woke up at 9 freaking out because usually I start hearing Matthew chirping about in his crib around 8:30. I quick ran to the bathroom and threw clothes on and went in his room. He was sitting up, beloved stinky puppy in hand, staring at the window that faces the back yard. He turned to look at me and in his most excited babble gestured towards the window. I looked at the window and saw what he saw, and I saw it through his eyes. The sun comes from back there, and today was putting on a show with the wind and the trees. Just a typical, ordinary, every day occurence. But to Matthew? To Matthew it was just the most amazing sight ever. He then gestured towards the window on the side of his room where no show was taking place and lifted his arms up, palms facing upwards in a motion that meant "what's wrong with that window, mommy?" I explained to him that the sun was behind his other window and the wind was making the trees dance. He replied to me, "yeah!" and stood up reaching his arms out to me. I picked him up and we sat in his rocking chair watching the light for a little bit longer. I am so in love with this little boy who sees magic and wonder everywhere he looks. Who, when he sees his teddy bear or his stinky puppy hugs them as if they were long lost friends coming home. Every morning it is always a total thrill for him to get his cheerios as he waits for mommy to make him breakfast. And daddy coming home at the end of the day is just the best thing ever. Simple, everyday events that add up to making Matthew a happy little boy. And I'm so grateful I get to experience that everyday.