Thursday, November 27, 2008


The definition of thankful is: feeling or expressing gratitude; appreciative.

To say I am thankful this year is an understatement. I am at a loss for words to express my gratitude. My life has had it's fair of sorrow and grief but there has also been unimaginable joy. We went upstairs this morning to get Matthew out of bed and with one little smile my world filled with happiness. I love my son and my husband. And my family and friends. Even though there have been hard times I could not be more blessed. I've been given love and friends and three children who all make me who I am.

I pray all of you today take a moment to remember your blessings.


Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Elusive Laugh

Hearing Matthew laugh fills my heart with an unimaginable joy. However he does not give away his laughs freely. In fact you have to work pretty hard for one. Daddy's pretty good at figuring out the right combination of words and ticklish body parts to make it happen. Once you figure out the right touch he'll laugh for a long time. Unfortunately once you find the right spot it will never make him laugh again. It's like a password that changes daily and I spend all day figuring out what will make him laugh next.

It's all worth it though, even for the few minutes he laughs. The sound of pure joy. Aaaaaaah. It is well within my soul.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A Blessed Day...

Sunday was a big day in the spiritual journey of our little man. It was the day he began his walk with God. I pray for my son every night. I pray for God to help us to be good parents to him and to lead him down the right path in life. And I pray that Matthew will always feel God's love and have faith that through Him he can do anything.

It was a wonderful day with us surrounded by family and friends in the church that I grew up attending and where Matt and I were married. He was christened by the minister that married us. He was sleeping as we went up there and awoke as the water was sprinkled on his head. And as the minister prayed over him he stared into his eyes as if somehow he knew what was going on.

I was proud of myself. I held it together until the minister started his prayer with "this has been a long awaited for child." With that one sentence my soul crumbled as the I was hit by the realization that through all of our strife in getting and staying pregnant I held on to my faith and here I was. With my son.

Some of you may know this, but most of you probably don't. A long time ago I had heard that if you want to ask God a question to ask your question out loud and flip through the bible and randomly stop. I stopped on the page that held the passage, "behold, for I shall give you a son." I remember my breath catching as I read it. And through all the disappointment of treatments that didn't work I held on to it. And here I am. With a living, breathing, perfectly healthy son.

God is good, my friends. God is good.


Monday, November 10, 2008

Letters to My Children

Dear Matthew,

A year ago yesterday mommy found out you were on your way to us. I was scared something would go wrong and so excited at the chance it would go right. I spent 38 weeks dreaming of your little face and all of the things I wanted to do with you. When my mind would wander and panic would fill my soul I would imagine holding you against me with your little legs tucked up underneath of you. I would imagine taking you into the pool at the house down in North Carolina with you being so tiny. Your Aunt Christi and I spent hours online looking for a bathing suit small enough for a little guy like you to wear. I would imagine your eyes, dark brown like mommy's. Imagine my surprise at the bright blue eyes that stare back at me each day.

All of those things I dreamed about and imagined came true. But last night when I couldn't sleep I started thinking about all of the little things I love about you now. Like how when you were so little, just a week old I would lay you on my chest and everytime your daddy or I would utter a sound you would lift your head up to try and find us. Or how you wake up in the morning so happy and playing and when I look over at you in your bassinette and you see me you break into the biggest smile. I love how when daddy is feeding you, you just stare at him. I love how you lay in your swing and turn your head towards the tv, letting the lights lull you to sleep. I love how when I give you a bath at night and run the washcloth under your neck you break out into giggles. You are definitely ticklish like your mommy. I love how when I sing to you the "bumblebee song" it makes you laugh and how you love to look at the pictures in the books we read to you.

I love that when I handed you the dinosaur we had bought for your brother you clung to it like it was your favorite thing in the world. And how whenever I talk about your big brother and sister to you you smile. I sometimes wonder if you can see them and know they are your special angels.

I could go on and on about all the things I love about you, the list is endless. You are my little lovey boy and I am so happy I am your mommy.

I love you forever and ever,

Dear Daniel and Hope,

Mommy hasn't written to you in a while, please know that this in not due to a lack of thinking of you. I think of you every day and wonder how different our life would be if daddy and I had three little ones running around this house. As you know your little brother is here. He is 4 months old now. It's amazing how quick this is all going. I wonder if you both would have looked like him. I know from pictures of you that you and him inherited mommy's big feet. Sorry about that. Matthew's christening is Sunday and I know you will be there watching over all of us. We see you every day, in the hot air balloons that fly over our house, butterflies that go by the living room window, the smiles that Matthew gets as he's seeing things in the air. I am proud to be your mommy too and will love you all the days of my life. You couldn't stay with us and we are not meant to understand why, but you are in some awesome hands in heaven. I'm sure your grandparents and great-grandparents and Aunt Cathy just love on you all the time for me. You are not alone there and that gives me great peace.

I love you forever and ever too,


Sunday, November 9, 2008

Happy 4 Months Little Guy!

Four months have gone by so quick! I can still remember the day he was born so clearly. Okay so maybe not the day he was born since I was in and out of sleep all day after 3 days of labor, but I definitley remember the next day and when I finally got to see the little face I had been dreaming about for so long.

Here's a quick picture comparison:

His alligator at 2 months


3 months

4 months

Friday, November 7, 2008

Okay, so it's been a while

As time often does, it goes by quick! I've been busy getting my house ready for our company we have coming over Thanksgiving. Matt's brother and family are flying up from Texas and will be meeting the baby for the first time! I'm so excited for the baby to finally meet his cousin!

Besides that going on we're getting ready for Matthew's Christening on the 16th.

To make up for it I have a lot of pictures and some video to share!

My cute little studmuffin

Last night he found his feet (video of this to follow)

A grumpy face boy

I like talking to daddy

My new hat is SO cute!

And some video.

This was last night. He started scratching at his bassinette and it took me a while to figure out what the noise was. Imagine hearing it for the first time at 2 in the morning!

Laughing at mommy scaring him.

Talking with mommy.