Thursday, January 7, 2010

It's Never Enough

If I live to the age of 102 and get to be Matthew's mommy all of that time it will still not be enough.

Even as a little girl I dreamed of being a mommy and now I'm living it and it's way beyond my little girl dreams.

Not only do I love him, I can't get enough of him. I love his laugh and what makes him laugh makes me happier than the funniest movie.

At times I count the hours until bedtime and then miss him and sneak into his room holding my breath until I see the rise and fall of his chest.

And when he gets hurt my heart thumps in pain until he's all better.

My Aunt Mary once told me that when you have a child you will physically feel their pain. And all of their heartache and sadness will travel through you as it does them. She is so right.

I hate to see him sad but realize it's a passage of life. I would give my right arm to keep pain from him. Right now his broken hearts come from mom and dad when we dare to not let him stand on his new horse or climb on the coffee table. But I know more is coming and I want to put him in a bubble. I want to protect him from the mean little kids who will come his way and the girls who will not love him the same way he loves them. I want to take that pain from him even though it hasn't happened yet. I can't imagine him with a bruised ego or a broken heart from a friendship or a love that didn't work out.

All I can do is raise him with a good heart and a strong head on his shoulders. I can fill him with the love of God and the strength of his parents. I can teach him that the road of life is hard, and there are many bumps along the way, but that if you trust in yourself and keep walking forward that life can bring you the most awesome of blessings.

He is the loveliest of souls, even when he is ornery. And 100 years with him will never be enough.


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