Saying Goodnight

Tonight I asked Matt to let me put Matthew down. You see while in reality he is only 24 hours older tomorrow than he is today he will still be one. At 5:58 a.m. after a very long and hard labor that ended in an emergency c-section Matthew was born. The arms that had been empty for so long were not anymore.

It's been an amazing year with him and although this week has been very busy with cleaning and preparing for his party on Sunday I've been trying to take the time to enjoy the last few days of Matthew being a "baby". It's such a cliche, to say that that first year goes fast, but you don't truly understand how fast until it's your child. How long it seemed to take him to learn how to roll over and sit up and feed himself, it really wasn't that long ago. As the days ticked by slowly the year came up fast. Too fast.

I've said it before in my blogs. I'll miss the little baby he was. How he would struggle to lift his head off of my chest as he was a few days old trying to follow his daddy's voice. How he would make little creaks and groans as he slept and would stretch. How before he was in control of his movement his little arms and legs would shoot up or out. How he would smile and pout in his sleep. Those memories, I pray, will never leave me. I will hold them close to my heart and remember them when he's a smart mouth teenager declaring he hates me because I won't let him take the car.

I pray with all that I am that I am a good mommy to him. That I've hugged and cuddled him enough and done everything within my power to give him the best and most nurturing first year he could have.

The LAST First Holiday

Today is the 4th of July which marks a few things to us. First of all it's Matthew's LAST first holiday. We're closing in on his first birthday in a couple days and from here on out all the holiday's we've covered.

Here is a picture of me from last 4th of July when Matthew was a very noticeable bump in my belly


That day our annual tradition of fighting traffic down the shore was altered due to my 9 month pregnant self. Sarah and Wayne, our long standing partners in crime for said traffic fighting, came up to us and we walked over to the Community Day in our park. It was a very nice time although the mile long walk back had me beat and I was sure the sound of the fireworks was going to cause Matthew to have an early arrival.

This day is also a little bittersweet. Two years ago on this day I spent the day discussing baby names with Sarah. July 5th 2007 was when we were going in for our level II ultra sound to make sure everything was okay with the twins and to find out what we were having. As you know that day didn't go as planned as it was the day we found out our sweet Baby B had not made it. So while I'm celebrating the birthday of America and getting ready to celebrate the birthday of my son my mind is on the birthday of our twins too. I can't believe it's been two years since they made their too soon arrival into the arms of Jesus.

A New Friend...

Last week Matt had to travel up to MA for work and Matthew and I got tag along. We had fun taking our time heading up there on Sunday and had Matthew set in the back with every toy we could shove in the car, his stinky puppy and Blues Clues in the dvd player.



On our way we saw a sign that said "scenic overlook". I shot Matt a look as he drove right passed it. The next sign that popped up on the road he pulled over for. It was the NY State line and beautiful. A very nice man offered to take our picture, so we got something we don't have a lot of, all three of us in the same picture.



We got up there late and had some dinner and Matthew had the best time. Since we had a suite he didn't have anywhere to be that wasn't with us so even though he was in his pack n play there was no way he was going to sleep. He played and jumped up and down and talked to us all night until we finally went to sleep too.

On Monday we hung around the hotel and that night went out to dinner and to a mall to get Matthew new shoes since we found out the hard way that his sneakers were too small. Yeah, an hour of non-stop screaming in the car and racking my brains as to what could be so bad made me realize his shoes were hard to put on. The second they came off there was instant silence. His new favorite phrase is to tell us he's "all done" when he's doing something he doesn't want to do. When I was getting him dressed to go out that night he was whining on the bed telling me "all done mama, all done."

On Tuesday we got to meet up with a very good friend of mine who was an amazing support to me when we lost the twins. We actually went through pregnancy together a second time and her little girl was born a couple weeks after Matthew. It was so nice to finally meet and let the kids meet each other. We always joke they're going to get married one day. They were pretty cute together. Sitting at a table at a restaurant they were a huge hit. Everybody stopped to say hi to them and they took it all in like the prince and princess they are.

The highlight of the trip for Matthew was the little boy who lived in the hotel room. He was a good looking kid who was always happy to see Matthew, and Matthew was always happy to see him.

Animal Crackers

On Saturday we spent the day at the zoo. To put it honestly Matthew was less than impressed with the animals. The other kids at the zoo? A complete and total thrill. We kept showing him the animals and he kept hiding into our shoulders. We weren't sure if he was hot or scared or what, but we weren't too upset about getting the snuggles. It was a fun time anyway and it was nice to be able to take the time as a family and just spend it together doing something fun. Afterwards we went to a local orchard to get some strawberries and gave Matthew his first sugar cookie. Surpisingly he wasn't thrilled with that either.

hiding from the otters


Matthew and a kangaroo


Mommy and Matthew checking out a zebra

Cherish

As mentioned in previous blogs Matt is in charge of the bed time routine. I relish the time to myself to get a bath and read a book and just relax. But there is part of me that misses that sleepy, cuddly time that happens with Matthew only at night. I put him to bed during the day but there's a different type of cuddle that comes with bedtime.

Every once in a great while when I'm done my bath Matthew is still wide awake and I get to rock him and sing to him. It doesn't happen often so tonight when it did I was thrilled as I was just feeling a tinge of sadness as I listened to Matt reading "Goodnight Moon" that it wasn't me doing it. Matt had even gone downstairs and I yelled to him to bring up the camera for we are nearing one and that much closer to bedtime turning into a little boy's routine rather than a baby's routine.

Matthew is growing up very quickly. And while half of me loves seeing him become more independent and growing up half of me is sad to lose the little baby he was. As I rocked him tonight and sang "you are my sunshine" I was reminded what a gift this child was to me. This sweet little boy is mine. I am his mommy. And it's the best job in the world.

Who Wants to See Another Video?

Matthew figured out how to put the fishy in his fishbowl last night.




Below is a message from Matthew:
2edddddwsdr



zaaaaaaaaaaaaa1

How Big is Matthew?

Matt and I have been working a while on teaching Matthew some new "tricks." The latest one we've been working on is the age old game of "so big". He's always enjoyed when we would play it and raise his arms for him. I think he thought that was the end of the game. He didn't realize the real trick was to raise his arms all on his own.

Sunday Christi and I were up playing in his room with him and he did it once for us but not again.

Then today I said to him "how big is Matthew?" and eureeka! The arms went in the air!!!

I cannot tell you how amazing every day with this little guy is. To see him learn new things and play new games gives me greater joy than I ever imagined being.

Without further ado.

How big is Matthew?