Friday, December 5, 2008

Talking to the Baby in the Mirror

Matthew made a new discovery today. Himself. And apparently he's a very funny kid! He was playing in the excersaucer he's been playing in for a couple months now and finally discovered the one toy on there is a mirror. He's spent the day quite enthralled with that little boy in the mirror. If only he knew what his discovery has done for me today.

Today was my due date with the twins. A day I counted down to the moment we found out they were on their way.

Posted below is the post I made in a journal last year that I keep seperate for my grieving them:

I've been thinking all day of what I wanted to say in here on this day. I have to admit it's not as sad as I expected it to be. When we first lost the twins I couldn't imagine this day even getting here as time seemed to stop. And now here we are. It's amazing what strong emotions we attach to a date on a calender. Good and bad. How many of us can say the date of our first date, the day we got engaged, our wedding day, birthdays, the day people we loved died. And when you get pregnant and find out the due date the world stops and focuses on this huge countdown to approximately when your world will change.

And it's true. My world is different today than it was before I got pregnant with the twins. But certainly not in the way I expected.

I prayed after we lost the twins to be pregnant again by their due date. And I'm shocked that I actually am. Actually I shouldn't say that. I believed it could happen and God has blessed me hugely. Has it taken some of the sting out of the day? I don't know. It's not quite as painful as I expected it to be but I'm not sure if that's because I'm pregnant or if it's just a product of the passage of time.

I've learned a lot through all of this. Mainly that life is a bittersweet journey. And you just do your best to keep your faith and try to not struggle too hard to understand what your not meant to understand. It's not easy. But life's not supposed to be easy.

And with that I end with this:

Dear Daniel and Hope,

Mommy and daddy love you and miss you with every heartbeat. There is a part of our hearts that will always be kept aside just for you and all of our love that we can only send you in heaven. The wonder will always be there. The ache will always be there. The pain will always be there. But the memories of the dream is there too. The 18 and 19 weeks we had with you were a blessed, wonderful, amazing time in our life. And for that we are thankful.

Stay snug in heaven sweet babies.

Until we meet again,

Anyway, back to the boy in the mirror...

To lighten this post up a bit I have a picture of him watching himself and a blurry video. Enjoy! And if you have a second to spare today send a prayer to my babies in heaven. And in your prayer please mention how very much they were loved.


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