Saturday, January 3, 2009

Life and Loss

Reflecting on the year behind us a thread was posted recently on a message board I am a member of asking us to sum up the year in two words.

My two words? Life and loss.


Obviously the birth of my son was the greatest moment of my life thus far. The fact that I gathered up my crumbled soul after losing the twins to try again was an amazing moment for me, one that I don't take lightly. It was a hard 9 months, and having him in my arms in worth every night of panic that kept me from sleeping for almost 3 months. He is the most amazing child. His smile will melt you instantly. And the excitement he is starting to show for everything that surrounds him is simply inspiring. This little boy, in all his tiny glory, has captivated me. The miracle of life is amazing. The fact that he started out as someting as tiny as a sesame seed and then developed into a working body, with organs and tissue and skin and's just incredible. The love I have for him is endless, I can't even begin to put it into words.


My mom passed away. Part of me hated to see 2008 pass because my mom was alive in 2008. I don't know why that strikes me so hard but it does. My life is filled with a million regrets with her that I try to move passed each day. Everyone would act differently if only we knew when this precious life was going to come to an end. We can only live our life with the knowledge that is in front of us. Unfortunately it's a lesson learned the hard way and losing her so suddenly and devestatingly has caused me to appreciate the family I have left. I love her and miss her tremendously. I wish she could have met my son. But I have faith that she knows him anyway and that she's up in heaven keeping watch over Daniel and Hope until I am called Home.

Not only did this year cause me to lose my mother, I also lost my Aunt Cathy, who was her sister. The fact that she died still doesn't make sense to me. That one family could lose two siblings so quickly is staggering.

I like to think Matthew's birth has brought some healing to my grieving family. There's something about a birth of a child that can fill your soul with joy and give relief to the heaviness that weighs on your heart.

Life goes by in the blink of an eye. My new year's wishes to all of you is to hug those you love twice as much as you did last year.


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