Friday, August 27, 2010

Watch the Wind Go By

Listen to this.

I heard it tonight while we were at dinner. And it made me fall in love with Matt again. I love him. I've always loved him and I always will love him. But every once in a while in our busy, every day lives something triggers a feeling in me and I fall all over again. Just like the first moment I saw him in the mall and knew I had come "home." And like the moment I laid in his arms as the life we had known lay in a heap at our feet after we lost the twins and knew that no matter how devestated I felt, I was not alone. And like the moment I first saw him hold Matthew.

Not all the moments are big monumental ones. Some are small but they're still special. One weekend when I was still in school and we were visiting his parent's house when they lived in Pittsburgh, I had been up late the night before hand writing a paper since it was before laptops existed in our home and when I woke up the next morning and came downstairs he had typed up my paper for me.

At dinner, rising above the crowd noise I heard this song. And it brought me back to our life before children. Before loss. Before toddlers. It's hard to remember times like that existed. I love my life, and the chaos that children bring, but it's nice to fall again every now and then. To be brought back to the center of what our family is. And dream of the day when Matthew is off in his own home with his own family and Matt and I are old and rocking on our porch. When we have all the time in the world for each other again instead of just stolen moments after Matthew goes to bed.

I love him.

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