Merry Christmas!

So it's closer to New Year's than Christmas right now but we've been working our way out of the toy store that was dropped off at our house. My father in law made the joke that Toy's R Us called and they've run out of product and could they borrow some of ours to restock the shelves. Sadly he's only half joking, while Toy's R Us did not call, we do have a lot of toys. But that's a problem I'll gladly take any day.

Matthew had a great first Christmas. He was very interested in the whole presents process and while he did not obviously unwrap his own gifts, he did have quite a lot of fun with them while they were still wrapped. He does seem to understand that toys are a fun thing to have an makes attempts at playing with them. The coming months will be full of all new experiences for the little guy.

Matt and I are including in our resolutions this year to get this house organized so we have room for Matthew to keep learning and growing.

He's made some cool advancements over the past week or so.

~he's rolling from back to belly and belly to back and can get quite far until he runs into a wall or a chair.

~he's reaching out to you if you put your arms out to him

~he's doing very well eating solids. We got him a mesh feeder for his stocking and so far it is a huge hit. He's had carrots, banana's sweet potatoes and cantelope in it.

~his deep belly laughs are becoming more frequent and not just at tickles. He thinks peek-a-boo is hilarious as well as pretending his hands have gone missing.

He is a complete and total joy to watch grow every day. I love this little guy with a desperation I've never felt before.

Exploring

Matthew's made quite an advancement this week in the processing of the world around him. He's realized that toys can be fun and that putting them in your mouth helps your gums feel better when they're sore. Now that's obviously not rocket science, but it's a lot in the brain of a five month old.

Watching him today struggle to get the flower on his excersaucer in his mouth I was struck by the level of concentration on his face. He spent a good ten minutes pulling the flower towards him and straining on his tippy toes to reach it. It was an amazing thing to watch. I'm so blessed to be able to watch these daily transformations as he becomes an active part in the world around him.

His first word?

Okay, not really. He is now saying single syllable consonants and that single syllable consonant he is saying is........"ma." :) Even though he's not saying it in reference to me, it's coming out of his mouth and so sweet to hear. Today is also 5 months for my little guy. Where does the time go?

July


and December


and two quick videos. One where you can hear him say "ma ma ma" and one where he's just being cute talking to me.





and for memory sake here is the first video I took of him back in July. Look how tiny he was?

The Greatest Gift...

Matthew is the best gift we could ask for. I'm sure most of you would agree that having a child is one of the greatest gifts that could ever be given. We are so blessed by his presence in our lives. We are so excited for Christmas morning and to see the tree and all the treausures that Santa has brought him. We are thrilled, even though to him it'll be just another day.

I know a lot of you will probably be buying him a gift this year, and we are grateful for that. But we have a favor to ask you. Last year we decided that we would donate toys to Toys For Tots in honor of the twins for whatever age they would be that Christmas. Last year we bought infant toys and today we went and bought a bunch of toys for one year olds. Please, if you're able, pick up a small toy for a one year old in honor of Daniel and Hope. Matthew would appreciate it and so would his mommy and daddy.

Talking to the Baby in the Mirror

Matthew made a new discovery today. Himself. And apparently he's a very funny kid! He was playing in the excersaucer he's been playing in for a couple months now and finally discovered the one toy on there is a mirror. He's spent the day quite enthralled with that little boy in the mirror. If only he knew what his discovery has done for me today.

Today was my due date with the twins. A day I counted down to the moment we found out they were on their way.

Posted below is the post I made in a journal last year that I keep seperate for my grieving them:


I've been thinking all day of what I wanted to say in here on this day. I have to admit it's not as sad as I expected it to be. When we first lost the twins I couldn't imagine this day even getting here as time seemed to stop. And now here we are. It's amazing what strong emotions we attach to a date on a calender. Good and bad. How many of us can say the date of our first date, the day we got engaged, our wedding day, birthdays, the day people we loved died. And when you get pregnant and find out the due date the world stops and focuses on this huge countdown to approximately when your world will change.

And it's true. My world is different today than it was before I got pregnant with the twins. But certainly not in the way I expected.

I prayed after we lost the twins to be pregnant again by their due date. And I'm shocked that I actually am. Actually I shouldn't say that. I believed it could happen and God has blessed me hugely. Has it taken some of the sting out of the day? I don't know. It's not quite as painful as I expected it to be but I'm not sure if that's because I'm pregnant or if it's just a product of the passage of time.

I've learned a lot through all of this. Mainly that life is a bittersweet journey. And you just do your best to keep your faith and try to not struggle too hard to understand what your not meant to understand. It's not easy. But life's not supposed to be easy.

And with that I end with this:

Dear Daniel and Hope,

Mommy and daddy love you and miss you with every heartbeat. There is a part of our hearts that will always be kept aside just for you and all of our love that we can only send you in heaven. The wonder will always be there. The ache will always be there. The pain will always be there. But the memories of the dream is there too. The 18 and 19 weeks we had with you were a blessed, wonderful, amazing time in our life. And for that we are thankful.

Stay snug in heaven sweet babies.

Until we meet again,
Mommy
Anyway, back to the boy in the mirror...

To lighten this post up a bit I have a picture of him watching himself and a blurry video. Enjoy! And if you have a second to spare today send a prayer to my babies in heaven. And in your prayer please mention how very much they were loved.

Jeckyl and Hide

My son. He is a sweet boy. Loves to play, to be cuddled, to be tickled. However, there is one thing he does not like. Getting dressed after bathtime. He loves to get dressed in the morning. Giggles and squirms and smiles. But there's just something about getting his jammies on that he is really opposed to.

Here's some photographic evidence:

Bathtime:




And getting dressed:


Still need more proof of the change in personality?

Bathtime:


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnndddddddd....getting dressed:


Check out how he's watching me through the whole thing. Little stinker.

Is This My Life?

Dear readers of this blog. If you're reading this it's because you are either my family, my friend, or in some cases both. I guess some of you may have stumbled across this while looking for interesting blogs to read, and I hope this is one. In any event I want you to know that I appreciate you, all of you, for being in my life.

For standing with me as we struggled to get pregnant and for holding me up as I grieved the loss of our twins and for celebrating with me when we got pregnant with Matthew and holding your breath as those long 9 months creeped by.

This holidays season is upon us and I am just amazed and overwhelmed at the joy in my life. Last week I went with my sister-in-law and nephew to a studio to get pictures of Matthew and Andy for Christmas. Me. The boys were in matching outfits. It seems like such a little thing but to me it was a big huge thing. *I* have a living child this Christmas. Matt and I have a little boy to spoil and to celebrate the birth of Jesus with. We have a child to take to Santa. There's a baby to show lights to. A little boy to dress in Christmas pajamas. Do you understand what that is to me? How many years I've dreamed of this? The wonder, the love, the joy, the amazement.

There are not enough words in all the languages of the world to express my sheer excitement. My bliss. The love I feel.

The season is filled with hustle and bustle and sometimes in all the rushing around the spirit gets lost. I will not lose the spirit this year, in fact mine is higher than it's been since I was a little girl. I am a mommy this year to a living, breathing, full of life little boy and I will cherish each second of the holiday.